Feeling Feelings

We are all walking through life knowing that our feelings are happening almost all of the time, yet we have received very little education on what it means to actually feel them. One of the most critical skills we can learn for our well-being and emotional balance is to learn the art of feeling feelings.

At the first layer, to notice and acknowledge that something is happening within us is critical to moving through it. We might not even know what it is, but to notice something is going on within us, itself, is enough. We can then next see if as best we can, put that “something”, that “feeling”, into words using statements toward ourselves like “I feel angry”, “I’m feeling confused”. By putting these feelings into words, it can help our mind and our bodies develop the skill of responding to that feeling instead of reacting to it. Our bodies can give us hints to how we are feeling if we pay attention to the sensations in different areas. Sometimes an anxious feeling is tightness in the chest. Anger can be tightness in the neck. Stress can be tension in the shoulders. Joy can be warmth in the body or heart space. These physical indicators can help guide us to naming the feelings we feel and then help us learn to feel through them, by accepting that it’s there.

Without the acceptance piece of feeling our feelings, we undoubtedly try to escape, fix, or react quickly to whatever is arising, and this can prolong what is at times, a difficult feeling to accept. Of course accepting that joy, ease, and love are here is easy! But it’s learning to feel the most difficult feelings, that is the true test to developing a life and mind that is strong and agile. With enough practice, it is through feeling these states, that our love and peace in fact multiply and expand.

Creating Awareness

After a terrible car accident in which I was hit by a car while crossing the crosswalk, I discovered the true power of developing awareness: having to look at myself, and my condition, as an opportunity to self-heal and self-monitor my own mind in a non-judgmental way.

After the initial shock of the accident, I was completely lost. I had no sense of myself as both the physical and mental pain were so overwhelming that I found it hard to navigate through the ups and downs. As a result, I had lost touch with my center and the core of who I was- the core that helps us fight through obstacles, challenges, and times of adversity.

As I began to surrender to my condition and my bed-ridden state, I was forced to simply accept certain aspects of myself for what it was at the time. I was unable to continue my professional dancing, my work, and my high-energy lifestyle- and at some point this became ok. I discovered that by being with my pain, my exploring and observing it, I could develop a mental toughness and strength which I may have never been able to develop had this accident NOT occurred. I found this to be extremely empowering and challenging, which of course had its good days and bad days. The beauty underlying the ebbs and flows though, was the fact that I was simply aware- so acutely aware of my emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations, that I could choose at moments whether I would become lost in them, or whether I would watch them all in a way that could give me wisdom.

Awareness became the key element that I continued to develop and strengthen. The power of nourishing my open awareness had such healing elements that no doctor, chiropractor, or pain medicine could provide. It allowed me, the witness of my own pain and condition, to just notice and sense the nature of my suffering, the nature of my physical sensations, and the depths of the stories I was creating that deepened my pain. I also used my breath to channel this awareness and bring attention to my breath became a centerpiece of nourishing myself. Through the development of my own witnessing, my core became strong again, my anchor was more apparent, and I understood that I had a choice- a choice to drown in my own dialogue and sensations, or the choice to withstand and explore elements of my internal dialogue and physical body. And while I saw I had a choice, I also noticed that nothing on the spectrum of my pain and stories was black and white. I discovered the power of not judging my pain and suffering, because in fact, every time I did, the pain became worse. I was almost forced to become compassionate with myself, and my condition, for the sake of my very own survival. This became a true blessing that I maybe would have never developed, had this accident not happened. My body would immediately signal to me via a wave of painful sensations and tensions, that I was drowning in doubt, confusion, criticism and stories of victimhood. I was able to couple my awareness and non-judgmental posture, into a powerful formula of healing and transcendence. And don’t get me wrong, there are days where I still wallow and become irritated because I have not mastered the art of observing myself so keenly, that I could actually nip in the bud the arising of a thought that may set me into a downward spiral. But I am MORE conscious and aware of my behavior, which in the grand scheme is movement in the right direction.

The power of awareness and non-judgmental acceptance is an area that I hope to continue to become strengthened in, as I’ve had a taste of its remarkable effects. By continuing to observe the nature of my experience in a manner that is so precisely still and yet kind, feels a hundred times better than finding what hurts and letting myself create stories of more pain and suffering. My breath, and my sensing have become my good friends on the journey, and I hope that this healing will continue. 

Yours, 

Sara